My ongoing insight

[SpiritImage]

Today, once again, I felt a really strong feeling of just not belonging in this situation. People, interactions, soulless buildings, etc.,

A square peg in a round hole is truly an understatement.

Sure just take it all in stride, the coolness of stone calmness and riding in the middle of opposites. Easy to say. Not so easy to implement.

Will I ever be able to burn off karma and overtake daily karma being added seemingly exponentially?

[Jitendra Hydonus]

Today, once again, I felt a really strong feeling of just not belonging in this situation. People, interactions, soulless buildings, etc.,

A square peg in a round hole is truly an understatement.

Sure just take it all in stride, the coolness of stone calmness and riding in the middle of opposites. Easy to say. Not so easy to implement.

Will I ever be able to burn off karma and overtake daily karma being added seemingly exponentially?

Spirit Image

We really appreciate your being with us. i think we all feel out of place from time to time in any place we may be. i suppose we will never feel at home until we reach our true home in spirit. In this way we are a bit like soul shadows. i believe i also have been working off a lot of karma this life. Hopefully i have not created too much new karma for myself. Some of us have chosen to dig back deep in their past this lifetime around. We have chosen to work out karma before coming into this life. This life can be overwhelming at times for anyone yet for those who have chosen to eliminate their difficult karma it comes with added challenges. Occasionally though; we are given breakthroughs and perhaps very unusual circumstances that verify our existence and a ray of light streaks through bringing understanding and acceptance of present experience.

[SpiritImage]

Honestly there must be something else besides this life that must be more of a fit than here. To me many times it feels kind of staged, like when I'm walking amongst people about to mix with them, etc., and trying to live right in the moment feels at times sort of sitting on the fence of another truth.

[SpiritImage]

So today I went to an SRF center in Portland, never have been there before, there was a monastic up from California doing the talking (that's why I went really). I liked him.

But you know, the rest of it I felt like a square peg in a round hole again. I felt I didn't belong there. I don't know why really, I'm sure everyone there is nice and all.

It feels uncomfortable. When I was a kid I used to go to church every sunday, one of these places was an old monastery. Freaky to a kid, black gates out front, very adams family-ish. Sometimes I was the only one there at the mass, really. There were nuns up top mostly out of sight in a balcony-like area, probably required to be there. Another church I frequented had communion, and confession. Confession was awkward.

I dont think any of that has to do with how I felt today, but it does have some subconscious links for me it seems.

[Jitendra Hydonus]

So today I went to an SRF center in Portland, never have been there before, there was a monastic up from California doing the talking (that's why I went really). I liked him.

But you know, the rest of it I felt like a square peg in a round hole again. I felt I didn't belong there. I don't know why really, I'm sure everyone there is nice and all.

It feels uncomfortable. When I was a kid I used to go to church every sunday, one of these places was an old monastery. Freaky to a kid, black gates out front, very adams family-ish. Sometimes I was the only one there at the mass, really. There were nuns up top mostly out of sight in a balcony-like area, probably required to be there. Another church I frequented had communion, and confession. Confession was awkward.

I dont think any of that has to do with how I felt today, but it does have some subconscious links for me it seems.

i understand. However everybody there may not be as nice as you think. There may be people who are also more nicer then you think. The point is Paramahansa Yogananda recommended going to group meditations. So i would go when ever i could.

[mccoy]

SI, it is most likely that, in this internet era, square pegs can find square holes and fit into them nicely.

I too had a square-peg issue in my youth. What I did, simply, is work a little on the outside angles of my pegs, without touching the substance. I adapted myself to some social requirements without having to change the peg. It is possible, and in the internet era you find all manner of people who are pegs similar to yours. This forum is an example LOL.

As far as the SRF center goes, it really looks like you may have an inherent aversion to social contacts, originated maybe from former past lives of seclusion. Like Steve hints, though, you may benefit from group meditation without being directly involved in socialization, or just making a small effort with some basic display of politeness. Not hypocritically, just as a social duty.

[SpiritImage]

Thanks for the replies,

Steve, on the other hand, I bet PY would rather eat mangoes in his room and meditate alone though he may never say something like that.

mccoy, I adapt. I have been in the workforce since age 13 with little breaks so I know how to mold to fit others' expectations. Still, it is unnatural for me. There is something in my mind though about group meditations, because of my limited abilities, the kind of power generated may also have a few bad seeds or lots of restlessness within the group.

[Jitendra Hydonus]

Thanks for the replies,

Steve, on the other hand, I bet PY would rather eat mangoes in his room and meditate alone though he may never say something like that.

mccoy, I adapt. I have been in the workforce since age 13 with little breaks so I know how to mold to fit others' expectations. Still, it is unnatural for me. There is something in my mind though about group meditations, because of my limited abilities, the kind of power generated may also have a few bad seeds or lots of restlessness within the group.

It often helps for the longer meditations. I miss those... living in an area somewhat removed from SRF locations.
Although I spent so many years around these type of groups I have gotten used to sitting longer on my own. Buddhists often have very long meditations. I have gone to quite a few of their sessions also.

The 3 hour to 8 hour meditations are very helpful with others. Usually there are group activities associated with them: chanting, readings, walking meditation etc. These help the time go by when the mind and body are restless.

Those who practice long term meditatation are often  more at peace with the world and themselves.... even with decisions made by others that seem objectionable.

Since someone like Yoganandaji. Is already one with the essence of mediation his mission here is quite different than are own. One of giving.

I do recall the story of Daya Mata in her younger days saying to Master she recieved no inspiration from going to a group meditation because of a certain leader. Master told her to go anyway. I must admit there have been times in my own life that I had 'issues' with others at SRF or visa versa. I still went to the meditations. Although we may or may not have spiritual experiences in such environments it is not so easy to gauge our development by this alone. 

[SpiritImage]

Yes I need to increase my meditation times. I haven't been doing as long as others, so it'll just take time. When I can go deep though, at least I feel progress.