I believe I am understanding the message. I will share knowing that this is just my personal opinion and attitude towards life. I don't expect others to agree, I am thankful for the free therapy of writing things out.
It's a little selfish and a little too much information... But hey... Here I am.
"The green parakeet is a reminder not to be careless with time, energy or money..."I have been carless recently, despite my greater aspirations for improvement(which is why I get so upset with my self). I get lonely and crave physical intimacy. I get a massage just because I want to be touched. But I also want to do the touching, and so- spending money trying to satisfy this desire is futile. Even if there is a little pleasure, if held up to my loftier goals, then this would bring regret because it stands in direct contrast. It's like saying don't do something- but you do it anyways.
It's like knowing you don't have the means, and do it anyways.
Brenda, while not the healthiest of relationships, saw that I was one to spend money carelessly. So this is a life-lesson. If I have the means I want to enjoy the luxuries, but there are ways to do it that mean continuing to grow and being free from regret.
I also want a woman to reciprocate a love interest, and the joy in spontaneous physicality. When I am restless... I will sometimes opt out of meditation and instead masturbate as a way to relax. This too brings regret. Especially because content out there can be harmful to ones psyche, it's easy to stumble into undesirable avenues, social engineering and the like. But I see I definitely have a strong drive, and get mentally aggressive. If this mental energy carries on in the background, it transforms into perverse behaviors. So some days I think it's better to opt in for a physical release then leave pent up energy which can distract and mutate into regrettable action. However, it's not all bad. Sometimes I really enjoy the energy because that aggressiveness allows for bold behavior. Bold in the sense that I am more likely to approach a woman I like if I am not mindlessly indulging with pornography. Bold in that it actually gives me an aura on the hormonal/pheromone level that women notice. Not only that, the energy can be applied with creative endeavors and yield fruit.
I am of the age. One day I will have a child. And I also want to enjoy it. Ideally enjoy it with an equal partner I can love and wed.
"You are also reminded to keep your energy clean. Whatever you need to do to stay on a path that helps your conscience remain clear, you are encouraged to do so."This means clean eating. But I realize that sometimes, especially when I increase exercise regimen, my body wants to take in more food. Last night I completely caved in to a restless mind, allowing for ice cream, chocolate mounds and spicey baked chips. Not just clean eating, a clear conscience is experienced by practicing the disciplines to achieve ones greater desires.
In order to increase my abundance wisely, I know I should not cut off aspects of my life cold turkey. I know I enjoy delicious foods and sharing physically. I also know I want to eat clean, quit pornography, meditate regularly, and be even stronger physically, emotionally and spiritually.
I felt disappointment for having known better and caving in. I wasn't so much disappointed with my binge eating because I haven't experienced that in a while, and it was relatively tame. I was disappointed with my excessive masturbation and recent $150 massage, having even made the decision- "no more thai massage this month." It's wild to me, just how loud the mind can get begging you to satisfy a craving. Not all cravings can be satisfied, not all cravings should be satisfied- but not all cravings should be completely ignored either.
"It is now time to release poverty consciousness and upgrade your family for many generations to come."I believe this is the message for me. This doesn't necessarily mean saving money only. I recognize the need to balance as I grow. I value my personal needs, both from the animal mind and the divine. This upgrade means not being a victim to my own actions, but an increase in
understanding. Swami Vidyadhishananda says to conserve and transmit. This is a goal for the Masters that I will aspire towards. We can conserve our energies, and transmit them wisely. It will take meditation, it will take clean eating, it will take abstinence. But to force these actions upon ones self, while still having a foot in the other door, will lead to rebound effects. I can also neutralize cravings and replace habits with healthier decisions.
For example... I have discovered when I want to be physical, instead of spending $150 on thai massage- I will spend $20 for a hot yoga class. This allows me the privilege of being involved with a community, to engage with beautiful women and to stretch and massage the muscles. To practice disciplines like concentration and breathing- all with a difference of $120 saved.
If I crave spicey crunchy junk food... Or sweet chocolates... I can find healthy substitutes. And if I spend more for my health than I am still making the investment to grow in abundance. Health being the ultimate wealth. When the mind and body are healthy, the perspective is elevated- rather than woe is me, life is seen as an opportunity. Perspectives are also liberated when service to others is done with loving intent wanting nothing in return. But if you aren't healthy, how can you expect to help others? I have learned spending money on natural supplements has helped me with my mysterious health problems, has saved me costly doctor and hospital visits... And has allowed me the energy and awareness to be present for others.
I also find a need to accept myself for where I am at in life. Often I create lofty goals, and feel I must kill a part of myself to achieve them. This may be true for some, but in my experience it is again unrealistic. I want to explore these desires but in a way that still allows growth towards unity consciousness, towards love and service, towards freedom and samadhi.
Despite being financially dependent, I am not poor. I see I am making great strides. And I make the decree that I am wealthy. That I am successful. And I am deserving. I feel I have been here before, and it is most likely true for many of us. And even though I have made regrettable decisions, I am now remembering I used to make them more frequently. I have also overcome in some aspects of life. I am remembering my Aunt explaining the ups and downs of life... Saying early on we go up really high in one direction, down really low in the other... 110% in one direction, 110% in another... But as we mature, those ups and downs ideally start finding a baseline. Despite my initial regret I am now seeing that baseline and am already feeling alleviated.
All is not lost. It's all for growth, a unique understanding concreted by a 3D earth life experience. A blend of Maya and God. And I believe it is possible to experience God even while dancing with Maya. Slowly but surely. I realize I can't beat myself up, but I also realize I can't linger in past habits. We're at the point where knowing better and executing for the sake of growth are imperative. With gentle but firm resolve, I will achieve.
This little parakeet was green... The green man is guiding me. Life is alchemy and the time is now.
...Never give up friends. <3
