I haven't been maintaining my journal here but will provide an update. The last two weeks have been very eventful.
In one day alone I witnessed the following...
My coworkers friend lost her daughter. This girl was also like my coworkers daughter(as close as they all were). Her funeral is this Friday(same as Dads birthday). It was surreal to see my coworker break down, and to see her daughters come to her place of work to mourn together in the back. There was a high energy in their loss, they were together after all and that really stood out to me. May God Bless those who were lost and those still here suffering from this loss.
Two hours later I had to leave work to attend my friends wedding. I went from one high energy to another, this time I was witnessing the uniting of two families as a gain. When the priest was talking I was getting goosebumps over certain words(specifically, "permanence") which was an indication to me of a type of communication from Spirit. By the time the wedding was over I was invited to go to dinner but was feeling a little emotionally spent from all that I had just witnessed. I decided to go home and make a trip to the store to buy comfort food. Corn bread and lentil soup. On my drive there, I realized I witnessed a loving sense of togetherness in both the gain and the loss...
I was feeling this sense of connecting with my higher self and a strong desire to be a better family member, a better son and to embrace the role of a fatherly figure in my community. I called my Aunt to chat and during our phone call she said the words, "God" and "Life" when in that exact moment I noticed a car in front of me with a bumper sticker displaying two very large words, "God" and "Life." How God and our Larger Self are able to orchestrate reality in this manner is a most perplexing and satisfying mystery. I shared this with my Aunt then had to go because I arrived to the grocery store.
While at the store my Mother tried calling me. She was distraught. She had spent the day with a family friend and was calling me from her driveway(the friends driveway). Our friend was needing medical attention right away. Mom asked me to get Dad and come help her. She had tried calling Dad but he was passed out on the recliner with his phone on low volume. I woke him up to learn he was passed out from heavy drinking. By the grace of God we were able to navigate to the persons house, despite my Dad not remembering how to get there and despite my Mother not giving us the address. By the time we arrived the EMS was there. When it was all said and done, I left some banana bread I just happened to buy while at the store for Caroline, our family friend- hoping she'd see it the next day. My Dad estimates she has 6 months to a year left in this life. It's a crude assessment and I hope he is wrong, but it isn't too far from the truth.
That happened in one day and I was really left ruminating on the wild chain of events. The amazing language from God as an unseen guiding system- had I gone to dinner after the wedding ceremony I might not have been able to help in the moment when Mom needed it. The sense of community and togetherness. The losses and the gains, the suffering and the joy. There's really still so much to take in from it all.
As we were nearing the Thanksgiving holiday we had a different family friend over the course of a few nights- she is going through quite a bit too and may soon lose her Father. I tried to be accommodating to her and to my family. It's a good practice.
The Friday after Thanksgiving a child walked up to me and brandished a weapon. It was a pistol. He was trying to act tough in front of his friends. He looked half my body weight and scrawny as can be. There was a slight drizzle outside and it was two in the afternoon. He and his friend were asking me for two dollars and I said no. That's when the one kid moved in closer(he was so close I could have leaned forward and hit him with my head) and pulled a gun out from his persons and said, "are you sure about that?" I didn't know how to act- I just said I was sure. I could see the thoughts in his mind creating further instability- his behavior irrational, his anger multiplying. There was a moment where I really looked deeply into his eyes. That's when he decided to let it go. He told me, "I'm just playin' hahaha" and started walking away. I told him it wasn't funny. He said, "Yeah it is- don't you see me laughin' bitch? Hahaha, I will shoot you!" I proceeded to tell him, "Love over hate... You need to grow up." He shouted some nonsense and stormed off.
It wasn't until about half an hour later my nerves finally caught up to me and I realized what happened. At first I was angry with my self thinking I had an opportunity to drop the kid and remove the weapon- to call the police and teach him a lesson. I suppose it all happened as it should have... And more I am trying to think, "WWJD" What would Jesus do? A Master of divine realization, would he have acted violently? I don't think so. I prefer nonviolence... The child only brandished the weapon discretely, he didn't point it at me. Had he pointed it at me I think I would engage physically. It's a different scenario... I pray God grants me the strength to handle future encounters wisely, quickly and with Loving Spirit. With firmness and ferocity if it is Gods Will, but always with a cool head if I can help it.
So why am I sharing all this here in the dream journal? Well one to catch you up with everything... And two, not to long ago I dreamt I made contact with a "greater being" and I think the connection has something to do with all that has been happening. A greater being doesn't necessarily mean good or bad... I do think it represents a "larger self" or a part of "God." I am still recording and journaling my dreams elsewhere so here is a portion from that entry... The experience happened sometime Saturday night/Sunday morning. The dream journal shows a timestamp of 5:55
blinding light being5:55 AM - 2 days ago#2144
in the first part of my dream i met a being who had a sun inside of him. the light was so bright it was blinding and flooded my entire vision, i could barley keep my eyes open and look.
i woke up and it imparted a message.
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Unfortunately I was too tired to record the message. I experienced a hesitation before falling back asleep like a part of my self was demanding I record the dream right away so as not to forget. It's interesting to note the message came immediately
after I woke up. Instead I fell back asleep. Also interesting is that, though I did not see the being again- I did dream about him the rest of the night/into early morning. I was on a spacecraft in the next dream cycle trying to tell people about the being- and from that dream I descended into regular dreaming while telling people at a grocery store about the being. In both dreams no one really believed me. I'm okay with that.
While I don't remember exactly what was said, I have Faith that what needed to be communicated was indeed received(like downloading data). God sent me a wink later in the evening to confirm this had been the case, using a personal totem to deliver this message.
Considering the chain of events, and the deep desire to embrace my God-given gender and learn how to be a better man... I think these instances are all connected and serving a higher purpose. Well... the journey goes on, and I just hope I am practicing those deeper desires- which in turn are creating harmony in my circles.
Cheers for now.
