dear steve, thank you for posting. god has answered my prayer, has never given up on me, but how often do i give up myself? why must i experience disinterest in pursuing my greater ideals for a time, fall short and abandon my practices? seems i have a large battle happening internally and i had almost given up. i wonder too, if this might mean there are aspects of what i am pursuing that are a falsehood since i am in conflict. the thing is, the rewarding of the external sense pleasures is not lasting happiness. having known better, why still, must i relinquish my own power? i find my rigidity hard to follow, my discipline has waned. yet now, as a result, i am on the side of longing again for closeness to god, clean eating, just living... damn this ebb and flow brother!
