Friendships are becoming more and more important to me. I've always had a small friends circle and through "wear and tear" have lost some- either I grew tired of them or those who have 'endured' my personality have become tired of me. Being on the losing end or worrying about losing some of those childhood friends affects me more as my circle gets smaller. They're usually pretty tolerant, but sometimes a different side of me comes out through social outings that is less in-control. Or, other times, I've repressed my own feelings even during manipulative or abusive patterns. In this most recent example I have only my self to blame, where a loss of consciousness or change in personality takes over through excessive alcohol consumption. My family drinks and I have tried battling with overcoming this addiction/temporary enjoyment. I do believe progress is being made- despite the upsets.
All of this to say, I find it important to try and maintain a type of awareness of those you would truly wish to call your friends. People come and go, but at least we can try to keep a healing salve as the type of connections we have with our relationships. Although if I'm reading your message right, the way to keep that connection alive is by focusing on the good and not the bad. Gurunath and Swami V have both said, do your best and forget the rest. I think a part of my tiring energy is when I try to apologize for continual misdeeds. Anyways... Combined lessons... Opportunity for awareness- focus on good, let go of bad/worry.
Really that bad/worry in my case is my child like ego looking for validation. If we are trying, we needn't worry. I really believe things sort themselves out. That was kind of the inspiration I had from meditative insight today. To populate/radiate the positivity from within, without. I feel like the older I get the more difficult that simple task becomes. To much living in ones head, totally regressive.
