"I was adored once, too."
Many times I thought I was loved by others, but.... sometimes I wonder if maybe not. Childhood. Adolescence. Adulthood.
Maybe their love was only desire, or projection - or some kind of distraction. Maybe it was only a reflection.
Yet, if I FEEL LOVE flowing from me - independent of person, situation or status - then surely... such must exist! :-)
Once a long time ago, during a particularly deep mediation, I felt the sensation of seeing myself from above - from God, and was overwhelmed by the power of it - it was a paternal feeling, like father for child - and knew that I was loved deeply indeed. For that fleeting moment, I saw myself as a precious, precious child - so beautiful, so full of potential, so adored.
(smiles) As I was typing the memory above, my 6 year old son just came running from his bedroom and threw his arms around me. He is supposed to be in bed sleeping since an hour. He smiled while hugging me and said, "I love you so, so much, Mommy!" We kissed each others cheeks, and I sent him back to bed. Why would he suddenly do that? Is that not Love? Is that not God?
lol! As I what typing THAT about my son (still sitting here at my computer, which is not something I do lately) I got a friend request on Facebook from an old sister-friend from the Yogananda days; a fellow Scorp I have not heard from in years. Sometimes the cosmos tries to hit you over the head with Love, you know? I am feeling blessed.
AND - as I have been writing all of the above, I have been listening to your (Steve's) latest song/video about personal destiny, looping on the screen. Sort of feeling the mystery of the moment right now - when my evening began rather disjointed and littered with personal doubt and angst. Thank you.
Spin Me Again
How silly You are,
making me spin like a dancer -
twirling in air.
You playful rascal,
putting up rainbows
forcing me to follow,
lifting my skirt in circles
tickling dimpled knees
with a joyful breeze.
I am laughing upwards
in bubbles, out of breath,
too dizzy to stop.
How fun to be Your plaything -
Oh please, spin me again!
Written November 13, 2002
i see this is hard for you. Only time and distance separate people. This I have found to be a constant reminder in this kind of communication . If good or not we become more sophisticated in 'surmounting' such challenges. But alas no one enjoys formality and constant caution in the workings of spontaneous friendship and love. There is something fresh and alive in these kind of encounters that flows like a river excitingly to the sea. It always brings a special comfort to see that love is alive in others and I share with you similar experiences in my own life that prove love flows like a river from inside us even when no outside source instigated it's arrival.
When we do meet others who share the same feelings it leaves us wondering: what is this new found meeting of minds and hearts? Isn't it fair to ask? I guess I'm somewhat lost in a sea of possibilities shannon and jeff.
I am responding but can't seem to find the words to what is happening to me and what it all means. Does this make any sense to you?
I think sometimes we look at the events that arise in our lives and ask ourselves; is this really happening to me?
Am I really part of this script? Is something I imagined really happening? Or am I still imagining it?? Like lightning flash things seem to dissappear just as quickly as they came it leaves me bewildered. Although my faith still remains I often have have a difficult time understanding the reality unfolding before me.
