Thank you Steve - I appreciate your reaching out and taking the time to respond - putting your thoughts on 'paper'. Much food for thought there. This is a very difficult time for me, and so it is not easy or even possible at times to form ideas into coherent words. I have attempted to reply a few times but everything that comes out feels forced and contrite. That said, I didn't want another day to go by without at least a 'thank you'. So, thank you! I am spending a lot of time these days just being - doing simple things that make me happy, and trying to get a handle on my emotions. I read a lot, and paint - meditate - take care of the children. Bought myself a bodhran a couple of weeks ago; something I've wanted for many years, and so when I feel I am about to burst I practice rhythms. Ha ha. life's a trip. :-)
McCoy, yes the children are with me. They are certainly impacted, but we will do our best. Our home is peaceful. I am considering adding a dog to our little family in the summertime. The holidays are trying with all the nostalgia, but I will go to my family on the West coast soon for a love filled visit. My husband is still in the picture and is very sorrowful about how he chose to make his exit, etc and we will always be friends - I know this in my core - but at the moment, I prefer to avoid his presence because my main emotion despite all is that of profound betrayal. Listening to his apologies and professions of how this is the best for all of us (so that we can grow) should be some consolation, but if I am homest, deep down, I am still raging - and it impacts my health. c'est la vie! <3
It is challenging----Making peace with our past. The impact of relationships is so intense that it makes profound changes and awareness realizations for years to come and perhaps even a lifetime. To me the only long time cure and relief is time itself and new people who come in our life that we find affinity with in our life long search for meaning, purpose and learning. As long as we r caught up in the things that others have done to us---we still r in karmic residue. When we finally start to let go of our astonishment of what happened and how others acted we begin to let go of the karma we share with those people. Otherwise the emotional bond of turmoil continues.
We basically have to love ourselves. That means loving the past as well and realizing it was never quite like it seemed.. nor were the people in it quite like they seemed. But this is true of life itself. We live so much in our own minds and our own projections. We make people into what we think but not what they are. Of course it does not help to have others play up to such projections.
Reality is always much different then what we have thought. But this works both ways. People can turn out much more valuable to us also and others just do not stand the test of time.
