Message #932

[Lauraa49]

here's more on empath that i had
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empath

Feeling what others feel
Empathy is the ability to not only detect what others feel but also to experience that emotion yourself.

Any of us that have this gift know how very difficult it can be at time s to deal with.
Just a simple trip to the grocery store can leave us shaken and tore up from the floor up . But we can protect ourselfs from some of it by putting up a shield or cloaking ourselfs in a protection so that we do not feel so much of others emotions.

This can be both good and bad. If you can read another person's emotions then you can both avoid making a stupid blunder. And if you can sense how they are feeling you can also utilize their state to move them in another direction. When people are in emotional states their ability to decide is often significantly impaired. Thus you cannot expect aroused people to make rational choices at this time.

It is a pain in the butt if you end up experiencing all the bad feelings of everyone around you. This is one of the problems that therapists and other carers have to handle.

It's not sympathy
Empathy and sympathy are very close and are sometimes used as synonyms. The easiest way to separate them is to remember that empathy is about feelings whilst sympathy is about actions. Thus you may empathize with another person and then act on this by telling them how sorry or happy you feel for them.

Empathetic people are often very sympathetic - they can hardly stop themselves as they really do feel for the other person.

A person who is sympathetic but not empathetic may appear a little shallow, as they are less likely to show an emotional connection. 'Terribly sorry and all that, my friend' they might say, in a friendly but relatively cold voice.

It's definitely not psychopathy
A defining element of a psychopath is that they do not and probably cannot empathize with other people. They are often good at imitating this, but in doing so they are using it in a cold and manipulative way.

This lack of empathy is one thing that makes a psychopath so dangerous. If we cannot empathize with others then we are unlikely to care about them. Psychopaths can this easily objectify other people, treating them like 'things' and even killing them without any remorse.

It has many benefits
The value of empathy comes not from understanding the other person's feelings, but what you do as a result of this.

Empathy connects people together
When you empathize with me, my sense of identity is connected to yours. As a result, I feel greater in some way and less alone. I may well, as a result, also start to empathize more with you.

In a therapeutic situation, having someone else really understand how you feel can be a blessed relief, as people with emotional problems often feel very much alone in their different-ness from other people. The non-judgmental quality can also be very welcome.

Empathy heals
Therapeutically, it can be a very healing experience for someone to empathize with you. When someone effectively says 'I care for you', it also says 'I can do that, I can care for myself.'

Empathy builds trust
Empathy displayed can be surprising and confusing. When not expected, it can initially cause suspicion, but when sustained it is difficult not to appreciate the concern. Empathy thus quickly leads to trust.

Empathy closes the loop
Consider what would happens if you had no idea what the other person felt about your communications to them. You might say something, they hated it, and you continued as if they understood and agreed. Not much persuasion happening there!

The more you can empathize, the more you can get immediate feedback on what they are experiencing of your communications with them. And as a consequence, you can change what you are saying and doing to get them to feel what you want them to feel.

The better you are at spotting small changes, the greater your potential ability at empathizing. Watch for small changes on the face. Watch for lower-body movements when the upper-body is under conscious control. Listen for tension in the voice and emphasis on specific words. Listen for emotional words.

To avoid getting swamped by their emotions learn to change the course of the conversation to a positive feeling the minute you start feeling any negative feelings.
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