Message #8013

[guest88]

hi blue nova

thank you

ego and illusion huh, i struggle with this a lot... lately i've been having some fear regarding death and the lose of identity. i'm scared because i become attached to the ones i love, and- even though i believe what deep emotions i share with people in this life- will carry over, i can't help but hurt a little thinking i might never see their smiling faces again. the memories we've shared, i'm scared because the older i get the more i seem to attach myself to direct life experience.
i've had some *almost* near death experiences... i say almost because my pineal gland wasn't releasing any excess DMT
i wasn't seeing any angelic beings or any light filled tunnel
instead i was struggling mentally- between two extremes, holding on to whatever voice that was in my head. it was dark, and slowly i began to lose recognition of *my* voice. instead it was just noise, and i was fighting to hold on to it and my existence here.
nothing to pleasant, and i can't help but think death means losing identity. which... i feel i must learn to say is fine... i just, struggle because perhaps until one is ready and can let go- there is that moment just before crossing, where it is blackness &confusion(when the mind and body begin to shut down) that leads to struggle. maybe i should learn not to resist, but i just think- it'd hurt....