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Feedback loops in Escalating Relationships

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Author Topic: Feedback loops in Escalating Relationships  (Read 177 times)
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Jitendra Hy-do-u-no-us?
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« on: Jan 15, 2021 03:32 pm »

I brought up this topic hoping for feedback and to learn from myself and responses here.... in hopes others will as well.

A feed back loop is...

an effect where an amount or level produced by a process, system, etc. increases or decreases the amount produced by the same process, system, etc. at a later time.

I am not sure that there is a word for what I am referring to here so I made up one; Feedback Loops. I am here referring to what I have experienced at times I’ve had long relationships through the years. While writing this thread I decided to look to the internet for a similar concept and I found one
>>> https://relationshipresources.net/feedback-loops/ <<<

I found this description in the article;

Another unproductive conversation is looping, in which the conversations gets caught in circles. The partners tend to repeat their points in various ways and the conversation typically ends in frustration. This occurs when a couple gets dogmatic, e.g., “This is what happened,” and the response being “No, this is what happened.” If this pattern persists, the couple gets locked into a loop.

Having had this experience happen to my self in life many times when relationships of all kinds have had difficult challenges I decided to address it consciously here. Sometimes it just takes space between people to de-escalate challenges at other times the action, non actions, or words said need apologies. And yes there are relationships that no longer can presently serve a positive purpose in our lives. Usually at some level long term friends are happy to hear from one another again even if it is less frequently than it was at one time. There are some people that are determined to get their point across and just will never accept the outcome of a relationship until that is resolved. For me, I have found that some issues cannot be resolved ( at least not now ) so the relationship has to either accept that and focus on to other more dynamic positive experiences or retire and the two individuals need to move on.

« Last Edit: Jan 15, 2021 04:00 pm by Steve Hydonus » Report Spam   Logged

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« Reply #1 on: Jan 15, 2021 06:17 pm »

Hey Steve!

I believe you said it best, once or twice  Wink

"A hall of mirrors" !

I have childhood friends with whom I have no thing unresolved or needing, when we meet it is quite harmonious and only good intentions are exchanged- even if it is once a year!

I have friends with whom we've reached an impasse, and although there may be unresolved affairs, there are no hard feelings. We go our separate ways and often times repeat the lessons with new faces until whatever is needing is acknowledged. What happens is ideas of who, or expectations of, are not met. Quite recently I have had a highschool friend decide to sever the cord because of his refusal to accept me in the moment for who I am. I realized much of our relationship, long ago, was greater in idea and fantasy than in reality. When I prayed to God I learned of a phrase in which validated the way I have felt about him- borderline personality disorder. Yet it is not for me to tell him what he has- but for me to understand why he behaves and judges others in the manner he does. It has a lot to do with unresolved trauma in his youth, abusive parental figures and being raised in a culture where success is measured by financial and social status.

And I have yet another relationship, a girlfriend who is most open about our "shadow" selves. In me she experiences a great love and a great fear, it is beautiful. She is comfortable experiencing this. She says we mirror each others fears in unique ways. I am in love with her.

I have friends with whom I keep a distance because I do not care to engage and risk jeopardizing my well being. It comes from knowing my self more than I know the other person. When I have no equilibrium I am suffering- but as a creature endowed with free will reviewing the timeline of its life I find appreciation for all the interactions, understanding every one person has something unique to offer- relevant to the moment. Many of us don't give any thought to it, or only when we ourselves are needing or lost or upset by a great disturbance. This might pertain to karmic reality.

Hmm.. I have more to say but that's it for now. It isn't a direct response- but I hope you find something relevant!
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