broken relationships

[guest88]

hello 

an old friend reached out to me today. we spoke over the phone. i sensed there was a wall between our communication, he genuinely misses me and i too have been thinking about him and feeling a stirring in the heart. beneath the words i sense a dark place that i could relate to. fear, anger and confusion. this barrier created an inability to be heard. steve, as you graciously pointed out today, it is easy to judge another. because i can relate to this state, i sympathize greatly. i believe his relationship might be in turmoil. i think there may be alcohol abuse too and based on our conversation i noticed a disproportionate level of interest between the two of us. i believe i was lied to but only to cover ones shortcomings not because of any malice. the truth is our hearts have thought about each other and so we attempted to re-establish a connection, a friend from my youth. he asked my presence but i am feeling reluctant because the wall between us means even more exposure to wild emotions and i sense a danger for my well being.

i love my friend deeply but do not believe i can bring myself, at this time, to be in his presence. i pray to god to heal this relationship. when you feel as if there's nothing you can do or if something is out of your hands, give it to god. i pray to see him happy and of sound mind, and i pray for his transcendence. what else can we do, when two hearts care for each other but can not work cohesively together?
i am posting this, with reluctance, for the sake of healing and contemplation.

from a spiritual perspective, i believe it is important to have faith that god can mend anything, and i do believe he will see my friend is fit and happy. i weigh the decision to see him still, at no disrespect to god or the sacredness of the heart but wonder, might it be an act of love to keep ones self at a distance?

thank you.  god can heal miraculously any one

[fisherking1111]

Giving it to god and trusting your intuition sounds like the right move Eric.

I've had to part ways with friends over the years, often due to addiction issues too.

My heart goes out to you ❤️

[guest88]

i do believe there are unseen forces already changing the outcome and breaking down this barrier. thank you for your interest in the subject. i know my friend has a strong heart. during my break up with jessica i had been drinking heavily and abusing my senses. i can't say i've overcome an addictive personality but health is a priority. though i am a little confused from the hesitation sparked within i might still visit my friend. at least it would provide clearer insight. continued prayers for healing and courage are needed, in the end, his happiness is important with or without my presence. thank you.

[fisherking1111]

I understand Eric

This body-mind has it's own addictive issues, which require healthy choices and boundaries at times to be mindful of.

Since the pandemic, I have distanced myself further from friends who have unhealthy tendencies at times to lash out, with aggression or passive-aggressiveness.

It's ok to set healthy boundaries

It's also ok to test those boundaries and give someone another chance and see where you and they are at.

Peace

[guest88]

Hey Art,

Thanks! Yeah, I think it's important to test the waters at the very least and to consider it a Service for Love/God/Self.

The experience will prove invaluable.

[Jitendra Hy-do-u-no-us?]

Hey Art,

Thanks! Yeah, I think it's important to test the waters at the very least and to consider it a Service for Love/God/Self.

The experience will prove invaluable.

It’s interesting you guys we’re chatting about testing the waters. I went camping with a friend last week and we had been hiking for hours with heavy camping baggage. We just couldn’t get around a swamp area to get to the main river at a distance. He wanted me to ‘test the waters’ and cross the small streams in the swamp to get to higher ground and then to the river beyond. I declined on the grounds that the whole area looked marshy and we could sink in and not get out. In the same way we may see dangerous possibilities ahead and because of previous experiences with such situations avoid being ‘pulled under’ again.

[guest88]

Too true Steve!

To your point there are means that don't involve first thrusting ourselves in something before using a type of tool to aid us in our discernment!

  ;DHehehe

[Jitendra Hy-do-u-no-us?]

Too true Steve!

To your point there are means that don't involve first thrusting ourselves in something before using a type of tool to aid us in our discernment!

  ;DHehehe

Yea with some people and with nature sometimes the first risk we take can be the fatal one.

Discernment is the ability to properly discriminate or make determinations. It is related to wisdom. The Word of God itself is said to discern the thoughts and intentions of one’s heart (Hebrews 4:12). A discerning mind demonstrates wisdom and insight that go beyond what is seen and heard.

...God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

[guest88]

beautifully said! 

[guest88]

thoughts and reflections on broken relationships

some relationships are hard to process. it's strange to me that one could feel love for someone and in another moment intolerance all towards the same person. it isn't that love isn't there. this intolerance comes from within. there are things about others that disturb us because they seem contrary to our normal behavior. certain friends can only be experienced in 'small dosages.'

i've noticed that when i feel this way it is usually because i have outspoken friends who have not welcomed my views in the past and when i keep silent my absence is a blank canvas in which the other persons ideas about me are there to fill. usually i am seen as naive and so often i have friends tell me, "you remind me of myself" and my reservations produce feelings of similarity. they become drawn to their own ideas through me. i shouldn't care, but when i have friends that lean towards seeing the negative of life, who harshly criticize their own kind, i don't find opportune footing to share my experience. when i ask friends to exercise faith or should i wish to share with them thoughts of beauty and kriya yog philosophy, a sudden repulsion occurs. i instead have to tip-toe around the conversation having experienced the disdain for expressing my self.  instead i endure as a"whipping post" of a friend and my sole function becomes a comfortable release for another's suffering.

these thoughts seem contrary to loving service but maybe this is a broken relationship. maybe it is my view that lacks faith. i know when we've peace in ourselves no outside force can disturb us. i believe with complete surrender in god, harmony is a result. i am bothered because i have friends that have shown their cynical side, whose personality would stamp out my own and still i feel a sense of love because i've seen that same love in them... could this be a type of karmic cycle that needs to be cut?

on a final tangent... i've read stories of people who believe to have met their partners from a past life and it almost always turns out those partners choose not to stay in touch because of some idea that said relationship no longer bears fruit... is this rude or wise? inayat khan says we should not trade love or even expect reciprocity... meditation takes the edge off... and so does leaving an unhealthy relationship. i don't pretend to have it figured out, i know for certain my own personality rubs plenty of folks the wrong way. i know my last serious relationship really went sour and that my first love also has little hope for me. sometimes i think relationships in general are a farce, but this is the ego speaking... i know any relationship is tough work but most people try because they don't want to feel alone. we get tired of our conception of ourselves too... can't help but think it's best to just meditate and not try to get caught up in any of this... simply disconnect from all these idea's, live in love, keep trying to love those broken relationships but just not become so attached.

ruminations of a confused heart... ay yiyi
 

[Jitendra Hy-do-u-no-us?]

Mystic Eerie,

When I find myself having similar feelings as you... I often find that God is reminding me in one way or another that I have forgotten to place him/her first in my life. That is ok and I appreciate the discipline because every thing in this world distracts us and takes us away from our main purpose here... accept for an occasional good friend who God can use as a channel to help us.

Having said all that we are working out our desires in this school house called life. That is why we are here. If we had no desire we would not be here. Are only purpose would be to serve what brings us real love. So we do find ourselves learning about our desires and our attitudes that are keeping us from our spiritual awareness. I hope this response was helpful otherwise I have something to learn as well... as every day brings me back to that awareness!

P.S. I love this “i've noticed that when i feel this way it is usually because i have outspoken friends who have not welcomed my views in the past and when i keep silent my absence is a blank canvas in which the other persons ideas about me are there to fill.” That is hilarious 😂 dear friend!

No doubt you mean what you say; it’s just the picture it conjures up. In the absence of knowing ... no doubt most people do fill in the gaps with their own drawings.. ha ha... nice of you to provide a nice canvas to draw on! Where would we be without it...now all we need are the water colors.

[guest88]

I've seen you ruminate over relationships since I've known you, and I believe you have an empathetic connection and keen insight on the trials of friendship. Your advice is much appreciated. It is true, with the right perspective, we find God uses his creation to deliver us a message.

[Jitendra Hy-do-u-no-us?]

I've seen you ruminate over relationships since I've known you, and I believe you have an empathetic connection and keen insight on the trials of friendship. Your advice is much appreciated. It is true, with the right perspective, we find God uses his creation to deliver us a message.

Yea definitely have had karma to work out in that department. As a teenager having an interest in meditation and yoga-I was anything but ‘normal’ but I see that God has blessed me with a couple of good friends here at a time-I prayed for friends. From my talks with others you are quite fortunate to have just a couple good friends... most people are acquaintances or varying degrees of ability to understand what we are trying to accomplish here.

[guest88]

my heart is swelling with love, reaching out to those i can not see or speak to. steve i am showering you with my affection. SI, i am laughing with joy and gratitude. kelly i am sending you gratitude as well...

i am sending this love to people i've hurt, people with whom i am connected- and to update the original prayer/post, my friend and i have been slowly rekindling our relationship- and god has given him a wonderful opportunity for his career, for his health and for his peace of mind.

cheers

[Jitendra Hy-do-u-no-us?]

I think you do not always want answers to your situations and you at times think it as a intrusion into your personal life. I doubt that many people who have suggestions and are really trying to help know if for sure that their suggestions are helpful. Sometimes it takes the write circumstances to realize the differences we have and learn to respond quite differently. In that sense there is nothing wrong with our observations. It just comes with the awareness of the differences we share. Also we may see solutions to the challenges others face but it is still for them to work out their present desires without our influence. I pray daily for people here at the portal. They have become a spiritual and psychic family. Thanks for your prayers and visualizations of well-being!