Message #19982

[Shannon]

"I was adored once, too."

Many times I thought I was loved by others, but.... sometimes I wonder if maybe not.  Childhood.  Adolescence.  Adulthood.

Maybe their love was only desire, or projection - or some kind of distraction. Maybe it was only a reflection.

Yet, if I FEEL LOVE flowing from me - independent of person, situation or status - then surely... such must exist!  :-) 

Once a long time ago, during a particularly deep mediation, I felt the sensation of seeing myself from above - from God, and was overwhelmed by the power of it - it was a paternal feeling, like father for child - and knew that I was loved deeply indeed.  For that fleeting moment, I saw myself as a precious, precious child - so beautiful, so full of potential, so adored.

(smiles) As I was typing the memory above, my 6 year old son just came running from his bedroom and threw his arms around me.  He is supposed to be in bed sleeping since an hour. He smiled while hugging me and said, "I love you so, so much, Mommy!" We kissed each others cheeks, and I sent him back to bed.  Why would he suddenly do that? Is that not Love? Is that not God?

lol!  As I what typing THAT about my son (still sitting here at my computer, which is not something I do lately) I got a friend request on Facebook from an old sister-friend from the Yogananda days; a fellow Scorp I have not heard from in years.  Sometimes the cosmos tries to hit you over the head with Love, you know?  I am feeling blessed.

AND - as I have been writing all of the above, I have been listening to your (Steve's) latest song/video about personal destiny, looping on the screen.  Sort of feeling the mystery of the moment right now - when my evening began rather disjointed and littered with personal doubt and angst.  Thank you.

    Spin Me Again

    How silly You are,
    making me spin like a dancer -
    twirling in air.

    You playful rascal,
    putting up rainbows
    forcing me to follow,

    lifting my skirt in circles
    tickling dimpled knees
    with a joyful breeze.

    I am laughing upwards
    in bubbles, out of breath,
    too dizzy to stop.

    How fun to be Your plaything -
    Oh please, spin me again!

    Written November 13, 2002