Often people verbalize their ‘boundaries’ and those ‘boundaries’ are a projection of their own ego. To the extent that they make boundaries that express demands and unrealistic expectations.
I will give example here; to invade another country and expect people their to accept someone’s imprisonment of dessert or to expect others to change their religious views to more closely resemble their views is expecting too much. That is my personal view. People change in their own time and not under force, nor do they need to tolerate an oppressive force upon them by outside sources. That is also my view.
Thanks for the long thought out response Eric….
How do you determine if your needs/desires and standards are not too demanding and your expectations not to high?
Where I'm at in life,
I have desires and expectations and I continue to strive towards them, exploring my confidence so to speak. Some expectations are unrealistic but I continue to pursue my desires. I try to do so in a way that I have an awareness and respect for boundaries. I also do so in a way to speak my own boundaries rather than shy away and leave someone with a cold shoulder. Having been on the receiving end of being ignored- I have the desire to practice verbalizing whether I am or am not continuing a relationship.
A good example is pursuing a potential love interest- physical or emotional. Or making amends with toxic friendships. My ego might think I am owed something, but being rejected in my pursuits makes it clear how I feel about someone is not necessarily reality. Not that my desires are wrong, but that my expectations are unrealistic. In this pursuit I try to be confident but not aggressive, and give the desired party a chance to speak their truth. It's one thing to say you are not interested- another thing to ignore a person and leave them to figure it out the hard way. There's no fault here. Just that I've been on the receiving end of a cold shoulder with friends and lovers and realize I would at least want the other to know whether I want to continue a relationship or not.
I tried giving two examples in there so I hope it makes sense. Being kind is a solution yes and I am thinking it's fair to add to the equation- to practice courage or boldness with both pursuing and establishing boundaries. It can really take the edge off- even if you have to wrestle through a little anxiety and awkward tension with the other. I find relinquishing expectations after voicing your desire tends to offset any awkwardness.
