just coming out of meditation.
deep, still experience. i have resistance with wanting to come back. still, i have desires moving me forward. tonights meditation was in the cold clear night under a beautiful moon. i found my self with a strong desire simply to be present, with god. ideas crept forward and i learned i am tired of idea's, and a reaching mind. i tried to abandon them. the breath became a beautiful experience. the busy street noises did not bother me. still, i wanted to go deeper. i want to turn the light inward and communicate with the self, free of fear. i realize the deeper we go, the more disconnected from the physical awareness we become, the closer 'things' feel to us. this might be why i feel vulnerable and scared at night, but it is the mind churning the imagination and creating a fearful experience. it was the desire tonight, to do without this always churning mind. only 30 minutes in before i was brought back by a sore tail bone, and a feeling like i wanted to come here and share. i guess the desire to connect is not so deep. still so many layers to work through. the gentle demeanor is the result of a still mind, highlighting a heavy slower sensation and appreciation for breathing.
I know that feeling when you are more in tune with the breath and drawn to it in focus. It is inspirational if only for a short time. You’re more conscious of it than usual and your focus is there feeling the cool air going up your nostrils and the warm air leaving them. Even counting the breath inwardly making it deeper and slower. Pausing in between breaths feeling the inner calm. There is kind of a ahhh sound breathing in and eee sound breathing out. You’re aware of the sound of the breath and the feeling of the cool awareness. And the sound of molecules of air waves hitting your ear drums in the quietness of inner peace. Often waking up is one of the best times if you’re sleepy at nite because your mind is not yet too overwhelmed by thoughts if dreams were not in abundance the previous nite.... You’re less likely to fall asleep in meditation because you just had a restful sleep.
