Message #33143

[guest88]

just coming out of meditation.
deep, still experience. i have resistance with wanting to come back. still, i have desires moving me forward. tonights meditation was in the cold clear night under a beautiful moon. i found my self with a strong desire simply to be present, with god. ideas crept forward and i learned i am tired of idea's, and a reaching mind. i tried to abandon them. the breath became a beautiful experience. the busy street noises did not bother me. still, i wanted to go deeper. i want to turn the light inward and communicate with the self, free of fear. i realize the deeper we go, the more disconnected from the physical awareness we become, the closer 'things' feel to us. this might be why i feel vulnerable and scared at night, but it is the mind churning the imagination and creating a fearful experience. it was the desire tonight, to do without this always churning mind. only 30 minutes in before i was brought back by a sore tail bone, and a feeling like i wanted to come here and share. i guess the desire to connect is not so deep. still so many layers to work through. the gentle demeanor is the result of a still mind, highlighting a heavy slower sensation and appreciation for breathing.