I agree with your comments as far as I can understand them, Steve. I would like you to be a little bit clearer in what you are trying to say, but I think I get the point.
It amazes me how much wasted energy is used forcing things that do not happen naturally.
Exactly. Everything happens naturally. What we call "forcing" is an inner conflict which produces anxiety. This anxiety burns off energy. It takes a lot of energy to be anxious about things.
This is why I was saying that when you do your work, you should not overly stress the notion of willpower. Because willpower becomes anxiety in the mind. When you are trying to work with joy and calmness, that is a subtle anxiety blocking the joy and calmness from manifesting itself. The same is true for interacting with others.
For example, imagine the pains someone might go to to have a "spiritual interaction" with someone. Isn't that kind of ridiculous on the face of it? But people, thinking they are spiritual, feel inclined to use their willpower to "spiritualize" their relationships. This becomes a sort of quixotic endeavor.
It must be said that many of the teachers out there are causing this because people try to imitate them by creating a "spiritual persona" for themselves. When we do this, don't our interactions become artificial as we act based on a mental construct? That mental construct ties up the minds energy process and takes away your spontaneity.
To be clearer on what I mean...I used to watch videos of Swami Kriyananda and would think that I should be all smiley and nice like him, in other words, imitate his personality. It is a weird sort of fetish, but there it is. You are imitating somebody, that is not genuine. So I would try to like interact with people as if I was Swami Kriyananda. So in my head was this image of Swami Kriyananda, separating me from everyone else. Really, I was just rejecting myself wasn't I? (not to pick on Swami Kriyananda - I have done this with Yogananda and many others)
Why waste our energy on these types of projections and things. We believe this is getting us somewhere. It is not, really.
I don't know if I have correctly understood your post Steve, but there it is. I think it is a great insight you put forth.
At times though we do meet people who inspire us. We learn good character traits by being in their presence. We may even practice them and make them our own. I think we all have models. That is what a guru is all about.
Smiling does make others feel comfortable. I do find it easier to smile when I am relaxed though and when I'm feeling free of 'issues' that come up in life. Sometimes though it is good to 'assume a virtue though we have it not.'